To Live and Die

I know death is part of life….life is a circle. We’re born, we grow, we live, we age, and we die….I get that…I know it. But no matter how much we tell ourselves that death is part of the life circle, it is so NOT easier to face. I think many of us forget about the most important part of living life….we forget to breathe. Some of you might read that and say “what the hell is she talking about?!?!” What am I talking about? Let me tell you…

Breathe in, breathe out….breathe in your life and live each and every moment not as if it’s your last but as if it is your BEST moment! Don’t take for granted this incredible gift you’ve been given of this single life….because guess what, friends, you don’t get a second chance! It’s a one-time deal….G*D can take it away at any given second.

I’m sitting here, finally crying my eyes out at the loss of my cousin. I’m crying because he forgot to breathe. He stopped breathing the day his mother died several years ago. He made stupid choices in an effort to feel alive. He destroyed relationships and demolished familial trust – but he was still my scuzzy cuzzy. We made perfume with flower petals and water, mud pies on a hot San Diego summer day, had birthday parties for his big Winnie The Pooh. He was a beach bum and would sleep with sand in his bed. I asked him once “Dougie, why do you sleep with sand in your bed?” He replied “it keeps me warm at night” and for me that answer made perfect sense. At one point in our childhood he knew every commercial by heart and I’d use his ears to turn the tv channel that was his face. I remember my scuzzy cuzzy going through a ketchup phase, too…..ketchup on everything….even pancakes!! He was my best friend until he stopped breathing and just existed in his life.

I’d like to say that I’ve learned the easy way that there is a huge difference between EXISTING and LIVING….but death is hard AF no matter how much you prepare yourself for it…..it’s twice as hard when you are not prepared for it. As you read this, take a really good look at your own life and ask yourself “am I EXISTING or am I LIVING?” – you might be surprised at what you figure out. Hike that mountain, take that walk, make your life choices but do so with hope, love, and enthusiasm.

Now you can breathe in the after life, my scuzzy cuzzy. Rest In Peace, Douglas Carlton Pscholka.