Officially an EMPTY-NESTER…..

Whoever made up that term, anyway? It’s catchy but it also doesn’t prepare you for the myriad of emotions you go through….or the personal re-evaluation of your sense of self. As a parent, you raise your child to go forth unto the world and become a productive member of society (or at least you hope). But what they don’t talk about is what YOU go through as a parent…sitting on the sideline of your child’s life…..hoping and praying they don’t become a serial killer….or in my case, a SERIAL SHOPPER!! She sent me a tiktok of a daughter blaming her mother for her shopping addiction…..oh the horror!! (insert uproarious laughter here)….but I digress….let’s talk about this whole empty-nester thing…..

Yes, there is a whole slew of emotions you and your child go through……a need to hold on and a need to let go….some vermin (my affectionate term for my child) run out the door screaming with excitement, others kind of hang back a little and look at you with a look that says “I wanna go, I don’t wanna go” – yeah, that’s the look I got….my look to her “you can do this but I don’t want you to go…you need to go….but I don’t want you to go” – so, we settled for words of soothing comfort that said “no matter where I am in the world or how old you are, you will always have a home to come home to” – and with a sigh of utter relief, she went forth into the world with strength, determination, curiosity, and (thankfully!) fear! Why thankfully, one might ask? Fear is healthy because it makes us hyper-aware of ourselves, our capabilities, our strengths, our limitations….all the things that make us who we are. Embrace the fear!!!

I think the term empty-nester means something different for us single parents….no offense to you married folk! Married empty-nesters have a different path….hopefully, one that focuses on discovering, or rediscovering, who they are as a couple and as individuals at whatever their age is when they become the empty-nester couple. Face it, folks, who you were at the age when you had the vermin is waaaaayyyy younger than when you became the empty-nester and (hopefully!) you have changed…grown into a better version of who you are. Yep, it’s about growth….it’s about life…..we’ve only got one….

Now, empty-nesting as a single woman in her 50’s – now that is some serious shnizlet, right there!!! Let me tell you about my first couple of weeks….after leaving her at university, I took a week to myself and went “home” – reconnected with old friends, had great Mexican food, oh and slept in…..yep, no need to get up and make breakfast….I just took a week to breathe in my new existence….try it sometime…sounds easy, right? Not so much….you put one foot in front of the other, you inhale deep, you exhale completely, and you fight the feeling of being alone…..eventually, you ACCEPT this reality, and you embrace it because you MUST! Remember, no matter what, you are always the example of what your vermin sees and you give them the strength and knowledge that says “if my parental unit can do it, so can I” and you do it!!

First week back in Germany – I started a new position at work….surrounded by a “work family” that silently let you know they are there for you, if you need them. Bought a Persian food cookbook and tested my new found obsession with creating gourmet meals for a single woman…..oh, and had to do all those chores that the vermin used to do (oh yeah, that’s fun…NOT!!) and now I know why vermin hate doing chores!! Because we, as parents, assign them all the tasks WE DO NOT WANT TO DO OURSELVES!! Shame on us…..yeah, not really….just utilizing our God-given manual labor tools….hahaha

But let me tell you about my first WEEKEND, alone, as a single empty-nester…..I danced in the kitchen, I drank wine, I stayed up until 2am watching movies, or reading a book and then I slept until 9:30 – 10:00…..and woke up to a quiet house. There is a comfort knowing your child is under your roof, safe and sound in their room….even then you sleep with one ear open for any noise….that started the second they came home from the hospital! But now, you sleep deeply….with that same ear still alert should the phone ring and your child needs to call – no matter what time. They don’t tell you in the parenting handbook that you will never sleep as sound as you did sans children…..it’s in the fine print, folks…always read the fine print….just sayin’!

Pros about being an empty-nester – I can have whatever music I want playing throughout the house, I can watch whatever I want, your grocery bill goes down, no more fighting with school drop-off traffic! Cons about being an empty-nester – your house seems echoy (is that even a word?), you don’t hear “mother!!” from downstairs, you don’t have someone asking you a million times “how’s my ‘fit” (‘fit is the slang term for “outfit” for you old folk who dare to read this blog!) – yep, empty-nesting as a single woman ain’t for the light-hearted, but YOU GOT THIS….because now is YOUR turn….again.

Remember in the beginning of this episode I mentioned rediscovery? I am discovering that I am a stronger woman than I was the day she was born – because I have to be – I am discovering I am a stronger woman that I was the day I left her at university – because I have to be – I am discovering that my life is not over just because she is doing what I raised her to do – because I will always be a parent….oh yeah, that’s in the fine print, too….just because they grow up and go forth, you never stop being a parent – because I CHOOSE to be. Sure, I have moments of profound loneliness but I get through those moments – because I have to. I am discovering that I am okay with being alone because I am not really alone, am I? We are connected no matter how far apart….thank goodness for videochat!! I am enjoying peace and quiet but miss the chaos and noise of having a house full of giggly girls and that’s okay….it’s growth.

So, what is in store for me now? First step – I am taking myself out to dinner, I might even buy myself a flower! I am taking each step with the wonder and curiosity about life as if I were a young woman going forth into the world all over again…..but this time, I have the wisdom and experience of life as I knew it with a full nest. I get to sit on the sideline and watch my precious vermin grow into that person I know she is going to be and I could not be more proud.

Stay-tuned, friends, happy Labor Day!!