Heartbreak is an assh……

I heard a saying….actually a title of a book from a very good friend…and of course, the book is in German….but translated the title of the book is appropriate…..Heartbreak is an asshole! Definitely not for the faint of heart, I dare say. One of our greatest gifts is communication….unspoken, spoken, languages, yada yada……and respect….if we don’t respect ourselves, we won’t respect others…and these are two of the most essential ingredients to a successful relationship, I think. So, let’s begin story time, shall we…

I’m single….not so ready to mingle….I travel alone to wonderful places….it’s great! I went on a little trip to Gran Canaria, Spain for a much needed break. I wanted warmth, sun, sea, all the things in life that make you feel good. I got all of that and I also got something else….a reminder that I missed being in love, having a man in my life….having my person. And then I met a man who was charming, funny, and not at all my type, but, hey, the Universe does some crazy shit to we mortal humans……am I right?

We started out being friends who talked about everything from politics to how to make the perfect cup of coffee…..even analyzed parts of Lord of the Rings….nerds! Oh and let’s not forget our love of all things Dracula! Before either of us knew what was happening, I was planning another trip, and another, meeting family……riding the love wave, I suppose! Is this it, I often thought….is this THE guy?!?! We all wonder “is this MY person?” – men and women both think this….women are just more vocal about it and in-tune with themselves when it comes to finding their “person” – I think. Women are just emotional beings….I think it comes from being a birth-giver by nature and the need to be a part of a human pairing.

Anyway, we are going to skip all the ridiculous mushy crap and get to the sad tragic ending because there is a lesson here for, well, for HUMAN BEINGS…..not just for women and not just for me….the lesson is on how to treat the HOMOSAPIEN and how not to treat.

We had a great visit….or so I thought. We are at the airport, saying our “see ya later, alligator….afterwhile crocodile’s” and away I went back to Germany. I already had in my head a countdown for returning in September (for my birthday). We had such a strong connection that I could feel in my soul that something was off…..thousand of miles away I could feel this man’s thoughts! How strange that was for me because it had been so long since I had been that close to someone…..actually come to think of it, I had never been that close to a man before. It really was a little eerie but beautiful at the same time. He gave me such warm, happy feelings….true happiness. Anyway, I am digressing back into the “love bubble” – let me come back to reality. When you ask someone a question and they reply “we will talk about it tomorrow” – let that be a warning, friends, it’s usually a doom and gloom conversation…..one that should be had right then and there. Be kind in communication….do it right then….don’t be afraid to say how you feel, what you feel, what you’re going through….we only have one life and communicating is the most underrated and often overlooked aspect of our life because we are too afraid to say shit!!

Anyway, we didn’t have the conversation until a couple of days later and, in fact, we barely had any conversation up until THE conversation! Imagine going from multiple texts and phone calls a day to absolute NOTHING…..women being emotional beings that we are, my mind was going a million different directions…..and my heart was breaking. I finally said “what the fuck” and we began the short conversation with him saying “I need time….” – that’s the other deadly, telltale, and oh so overused, trite statement……dude, life is short….no time like the present….see what I did there…another trite, overused statement! Long story short….he’s got baggage and we’re not talking Louis Vuitton baggage, either! We are talking hardcore baggage that I was willing to accept and work through with him, stand beside him, encourage and support him with…..yeah, yeah, I know we’ve all got baggage…it’s called LIFE….and we all deal with it differently. But when you have someone beside you, it’s a little easier, in my opinion….or sometimes people have to deal with things on their own. Anyway, back to his baggage….his “love bubble” burst and he couldn’t handle all the confetti….I was his confetti….so, he got the broom out and swept the confetti away.

So, remember in the beginning of this post I mentioned communication and respect? Here’s my lesson to all of you readers…..communicate what you want, what you feel, what your going through…..have respect for yourself and for them! That’s the shitty thing about technology, I think, people can hide behind the invisible shield and just say “fuck it!” and stop communicating altogether. That is immature, selfish, and so disrespectful….whether you be man or woman. And that’s what he did….just stopped communicating…leaving me to wonder WTF…..and that’s the hardest part….the silence. I can get over the heartbreak but the lack of respect and the silence is the part I am having the most difficulty with. I know that I will get over the hurt, eventually. Writing this post is part of that healing and I hope that he will find his healing, whatever that may be. I could be mean and angry and say “karma is going to get his ass” but I won’t because that’s not who I am. I hope that he finds some kind of peace within himself and doesn’t become some sort of “man-whore” – or maybe he already was and I was just a victim of his silly little game of “seek and destroy women” – who knows?!?! But, let’s hope not because he should be setting an example on how to behave like an adult in a relationship….not so great at the moment.

Anyway, here’s what I have gained from this very real, very emotional, and beautiful time in my life. I was reminded that I want a relationship that is a partnership. I scratch your back, you scratch mine. A relationship that is built on friendship, respect, communication, love, trust, laughter, getting through bad times together, rejoicing in good times….one that is filled with communication and mutual respect. One that is accepting of all flaws…lord knows this chick is so NOT perfect…we are all perfectly imperfect, after all. I deserve this and so do each and every one of us. Maybe this kind of relationship doesn’t exist or maybe it does….maybe it starts within ourselves. I also learned that it is okay to open my heart again and if things don’t work, find the lesson that the universe is trying to teach me. And even though things didn’t work between us for whatever reason, I will be okay….because I learned a little more about myself. Isn’t that what we are supposed to do with our one life…..learn lessons…..be better humans?

So, I know he knows about my blog and maybe he will read this or maybe he won’t. In case he does, I also want to thank him for reminding me to be better, to respect and love myself more. Thank him for teaching me about a different culture…about Yerba Mate and Mantecol…the perfect cup of coffee….thank him for reminding me that I am perfect for ME….thank him for teaching me that it is OK for me to be happy and that I can love again.

He may not have been my “person” for the rest of my life; but, he was my “person” for the time we were together….despite the long distance. So, my friends, don’t be afraid to find your “person” – even if that “person” is YOURSELVES. Embrace and hold your “person” close because life is short…..and for fuck’s sake COMMUNICATE AND RESPECT EACH OTHER AND YOURSELVES!!

Life goes on…..and if you have never experienced true Yerba Mate….DO IT….it’s a beautiful, tasty ritual that’s good for the soul!