Clarity

Clarity doesn’t always come in quiet moments. Sometimes it hits you in the car, between errands and thoughts of what to make for dinner, whatever. Webster defines the word “clarity” as “the quality of being coherent and intelligible” – something I think we, as humans, are constantly striving to be. If not to others, most definitely to ourselves. We go through our lives seeking to understand where it is we fit into our world, seeking to understand what we want from within our lives, and what we want others to see in us as the individual person. Most humans, I would hope, seek to understand how they can positively impact society….and those other humans leave one to scratch their head at the negative impact they have made…but we won’t talk about that today. Let’s talk about clarity….clarity of being human.

I didn’t always have this clarity—it’s been a journey, one that started with a wild (okay, spirited) kid…When I was younger, I was definitely a wild child…sorry, mom! In hindsight, maybe I wasn’t so wild…maybe I was just seeking clarity and trying to understand what life was about and how did I fit into it. As I have gotten older and lived more of life, I still have a little bit of that wild child in me and I am not afraid of much, really. I thought that I was afraid of being alone, not having a partner to grow old with – but for some reason, today I have clarity.

I think society conditions us into thinking we should be married, have a significant other, a life partner, whatever you want to call it. But today, like a bright flash in my brain of reflection…..or in this case C L A R I T Y…..clarity came to me as I was driving that I am OKAY without a love interest in MY life! I saw an absolutely perfect line on a show “the woman realized she was not alone…..she was on her own” – I didn’t think too much of it when I saw it. BUT then today in my moment of life reflection, my clarity, it flashed in my head….or as they might say in German, my Kopfkino. I am not alone, I am simply on my own and this is not a bad or sad place to be. Let me clarify for you, good readers, in the hopes that my words can also bring you to your own sense of clarity. I have created a space where I feel safe, grounded, and whole. I am responsible for my peace. And there’s so much power in that.

Being a mother was all I ever wanted when I was a kid – I have done that and she is, without a doubt, the most beautiful part of me that I have ever shared with the world. She is on her own quest for clarity now and it brings me joy (and frustration ’cause she’s a little bougie….she would say “where do you think I got it from?!?!”) to watch her find her way. I have been a spouse (a few times….hey don’t judge, we all make mistakes!). And now here I am…in my 50’s discovering the beauty of MY life, gaining my clarity that I am not alone….I am, simply, on my own. I am basking in the life I, alone, have created for myself. I have given myself the peace, the comfort, the joy, even the sadness at times, of being on my own, I am responsible for my peace. I can dance by myself in the living room, eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner, and bring fresh flowers home without questioning anyone’s motives. Yeah, I know, trust issues…don’t judge! We all have trust issues!

The point of my clarity is that a person cannot find their own peace, their own happiness, their own sense of belonging from another person. These all come from within ourselves. Look inside yourself and embrace the uniqueness of YOU and realize that you are not alone – you are simply on your own. If you are lucky enough to have found that person that “completes” your life, understand that YOU have found YOUR clarity and that person merely enhances your clarity. You are the lucky one because you have found your clarity.

So go ahead—hug yourself. You’ve earned it. Clarity is yours now. Being on your own is not a failure or a flaw – it is freedom, it is strength, it is clarity.