Dating in your 50’s?!?! Say WHAT?!?!

WARNING!! This next post is not for the faint of heart!

No one gets married with the thought they will eventually get a divorce….unless, of course, you’re a habitual bridezilla or groomzilla. You fall in love, get married, and suddenly you become that heart-eyeball emoji that everyone likes to use to mark something they like. Maybe if we all go into marriage saying “I don’t like you” the marriage might last….who knows. So, when the Big D happens, no matter what age, your love life becomes a blank canvas, again – and that’s okay. That’s life…an ever-changing canvas that is painted with every color in the rainbow and beyond. Grab it!

Be you man or woman – dating after a long (or short) marriage is an experience! Do you do the internet dating or not? Do you hang out in bars and give the Cleopatra-eyes or the Rico-Suave flex to that person at the end of the bar? Or better yet – do you smile at some deliciousness in the produce aisle?

However or wherever you decide to dive back into dating – DO IT!! Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there! Sure, you may have to kiss a number of toads (toadesses?) but that’s okay! It’s the canvas that is YOUR life. If you fill your existence with fear, you stand the chance of staying a blank canvas! Fight the emptiness! Embrace the bold colors of your soul and LIVE your life.

With that being said – you can also make up your mind to NOT date. But, come on people, we aren’t built to be alone! We are made for companionship….we are made to be coupled…with whomever you find to your pleasing!

Whether we realize it or not, love is something we have boundless amounts of and we should limit ourselves just because we’ve gotten hurt a time or two. Look at yourself in the mirror and realize that you ARE a human being who is entitled to love. Unless, of course, you prefer to look in the mirror and say “yeah, I’m an asshole” – admitting is always the first and hardest step – you are still a human being who deserves to be loved – even if it’s YOU loving yourself.

Monday, October 12, 2020

Okay, so, let’s talk dating. If you find yourself thrust (isn’t that a nice word?) back into the dating life in your 40’s and 50’s – be prepared, it’s a crazy world! Disclaimer here – I can ONLY speak from a woman’s point of view because, well, duh, I am a woman! Ladies, you will find younger men are attracted to you because you (or so they think) have your shit together and know what you want. Go with it! Don’t get hung up on the age difference in the beginning (trust me it might come along later in the game) allow yourself to be worshipped as the Goddess that you are! Dating a younger man does a world of good for your ego – trust me!

Now, to be fair, let’s talk about men dating younger women. Typically, women my age are appalled at men who date younger women – probably because we feel threatened and cast aside for a newer, shinier, version of ourselves. But guess what, fellas, the younger ones grow older, too. For me, personally (key word ‘personally’), I say go ahead! Feed your ego if that’s what makes you feel good! Just remember, there are consequences in everything we do and this goes for men and women.

Dating at 50-something is an experience, to say the very least. You don’t want to do what you did in your 20’s and hang out in a bar (or maybe you do), don’t really want to go to church (or temple) – so, what do you do? I did the dating app scene for a bit – people tell me it works. It worked for my ex-husband and they are going strong!! Woohooo – he found his person – and I like her, too. So, let’s talk dating apps – oy vey! There are all sorts of apps with a claim of finding your person for the low, low, price of $9.99 (or in my case euro) – but, seriously? Do you really think you can find it for $9.99? Maybe. You, certainly, get a thrill when you get that little ping that says “you’ve got a match” – only to open the app and find that it is someone named “Harold” who wants to profess his undying love to you from just one picture on your profile!

Dating apps are a breeding ground for anonymity and a way to mask all those things about ourselves that we don’t show until we’ve been with someone for longer than a year! With a dating app you pick your best pics, write about yourself in a way that makes you seem like you are the best thing since Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Butter Cup ice cream! Dating apps allow you to be a voyeur of sorts because you can look through all sorts of pics and swipe left of right – but you don’t have to engage in conversation if you don’t want to. To be a voyeur, or not to be! Go ahead – BUT do not allow a swipe right to boost your self-esteem or a swipe left to chisel away at your self-esteem. Be true to YOU and know that your self-worth will be appreciated someday. Until then, have fun! Go on that date with that 20-something (most likely won’t have a whole lot in common and that’s okay)!

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention one thing that dating apps are filled with – married people looking for an affair!! Or a couple looking to bring some extra “fun” into their marriage – you guys go ahead and keep looking because too each his own. You people looking for an affair – go have an affair with your spouse! If you’re bored and need some excitement – chances are THEY DO, TOO!! Listen to the words of “Escape” by Rupert Holmes and write that ad – TO YOUR SPOUSE! For the men looking for an affair – remember what IS good for the gander IS also good for the goose! You’re ego is not more important than having a look at your wife and realizing that she has needs, too! For the women looking for an affair – same goes for you.

If you are desperately unhappy to the point of using a dating app and you’re married – stop! Look at your spouse and realize that you married that person for a reason – find your reason again. Relationships take work from both parties and trying to find what you’re missing through a $9.99 special is not working very hard. Paint the canvas that is your relationship with all the colors you two have created together – but don’t forget that you both must have your own canvas, complete with your own color palette before you can call it a masterpiece. Until next time, keep swiping right.