Death is a thing….

When you’re a kid you don’t really think about death because when you’re a kid you are invincible, right?!?! Well, at least that’s what I thought anyway. When you get older, death starts to become a thing because you start to experience ‘ol folk gettin’ all dead and shit…..sorry, my emotional attempt to be funny at a heartbreaking moment in the start of 2023.

So my mom married this guy a long time ago….I think I was 9 when they met. I didn’t like him much in the beginning because he wasn’t my biological father. But let me tell you, as time went on he became my daddy, my pops…he raised me to be who I am today. Sure we had our differences, but isn’t that what being a parent is all about? You raise your children to think for themselves, protect themselves, be productive members of society….and sometimes this can cause familial rifts. But your children always know they are loved, they are protected…..this was my pops….no matter what kind of shit thing I did, I always knew he loved me.

His favorite thing when I would visit him on weekends at the river was for me to cook and bake!! I had to bake cupcakes, brownies, AND cookies before I left. I had to cook meals and stick them in the freezer; otherwise, he would live off of fried egg sammiches with peanut butter and mayo or some god awful Hamburger Helper creation! And yes, he really did like fried egg sammiches with peanut butter and mayo….I actually tried it once, shit was pretty good, not gonna lie, folks. He also taught me how a real woman does a shot (or several) of tequila without salt or lemon…..”if you’re gonna be a big girl and drink tequila, just do it…don’t chase it down with any o’ that shit!” – I will never forget that ridiculous little speech he gave me with my first shot(s) of tequila….pretty sure that was my first official soul wrenching hangover. He also liked to be my guinea pig when I made up some new recipe. First time I ever made a cheese soufflé, he ate the ENTIRE thing!! “Oh, baby, that was good!” But then there was that time I tried to trick him with turkey tacos….he took one bite and threw his plate away and went across the street to the burrito place and got a carne asada burrito!

My dad died as one year ended and a new year began and I feel numb. I am at a loss as to where I turn from here. So, yeah, death is a thing, folks, and it sucks. The feeling of not being able to pick up the phone to call and say “hey pops, whatchu doin’? Settin’ on my ass….dad, you don’t have an ass….yeah I do, and I’m settin’ on it” – we always started out conversations just like that.

Have a fried egg sammich with peanut butter and mayo and think of my pops if you were fortunate enough to know him. I, myself, will have a couple shots of tequila….hold the lime and salt….please and thank you. I love you, daddy.